Fatherhood
by Arthur88
Summary: Oneshot. Set in the same universe as From the Ashes, during the events of Dragon Age: Awakening. A take on Arthur Cousland's first night after becoming a father...


_This is an idea I've been batting around in my head for quite a while; a short story to go back briefly to Arthur Cousland. This is set during the events of Awakening, after the Siege of Vigil's Keep but before heading off to slay the Mother; I'm at present unlikely to get around to doing a rendition of Awakening at the moment, but I did want to go back to some of the characters from **From the Ashes** (am currently working on a piece set during Inquistion dealing with Morrigan and Leliana (mainly to try and rebalance Morrigan in my head canon with how she is during the events of Inquisition) as they deal with the little matter of the Dark Ritual and its consequences and try to put the past behind them, as well as seeing the interaction between Kieran and Cecily._

 _Not sure if I've done enough to make this good, but if I don't wrap it up, I never will. As ever, reviews and comments are always appreciated._

 _Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

 _"A moment for the last of the family...you'll forgive me if I take a liberty or two"- **Varric Tethras**_

* * *

Arthur bolted upright as he awoke with a strangled cry, casting about him for anything he could use as a weapon, ready to fend off the grasping assault of the hooked tentacles that had been reaching out towards him…

Only to realise he was not where he thought; he was not in his favoured armour, the Juggernaut plate with longsword and shield in his hands, but sat upright on a four-poster bed, bare chested with sweat-dampened sheets coiled about his waist. He was back in his bed chamber within Vigil's Keep, not lost and surrounded by slavering darkspawn, up to his knees in rotted meat and pools of clotting blood as he tried to cleave his way towards a grinning broodmother that threw wide her arms in a mockery of a welcoming embrace as he cut apart the bloated mutant's offspring, its swollen and misshapen features constantly shifting between those of the two mothers he knew- the one who'd borne him and the one who'd borne his child…

At that, Arthur's head snapped around so fast his neck cracked as his fingers brushed something solid and warm to his right; looking down, his pounding heart began to slow as he beheld his wife asleep next to him, Leliana's eyes firmly closed, her mouth turned into a peaceful half-smile, no doubt relieved to finally have a night's sleep without the disturbance of a kicking child to wake her, to say nothing of needing to recover from the exhaustion of the long battle she'd fought to actually bring their child into the world while below he'd fought against the howling mobs of darkspawn clambering over the Vigil's battlements...

' _A dream_ ' Arthur realised ' _just another bloody dream'._ He sank back to the bed beside his sleeping wife, running a hand over his brow and wondering why he was surprised; though the taint-fuelled nightmares had lessened in frequency since the Battle of Denerim, he had been foolish to think they were gone for good. The nightmares were as much a part of him as his arms or his heart and would remain so until his death in the dark below the world; the Joining had seen to that.

Given that when he and Leliana had retired for the night that evening, it was the first proper rest he'd had in days, and given all that he had seen and done in that time- the savagery of the awakened darkspawn army hurling itself at them, the deaths of Varel and so many others in their desperate battle to defeat the siege, the burning of Amaranthine and its population along with it and the knowledge that even with the destruction of the darkspawn army, their leaders were still out there to be dealt with- it was perhaps unsurprising in his exhausted state that the nightmares had returned with a vengeance.

Unable to get back to sleep, Arthur gingerly rose from the bed, slipping a blue woollen robe around him and limped as quietly as he could over to where the only other occupant of the room lay resting. A tawny furred lump curled up at the foot of the cradle reared its head, ears pricking up at the sound of his approach, nose twitching as it sniffed the air. The mabari's lips pulled back from its teeth as it let out a low growl before it caught its master's scent and backed down; Arthur, amused at the hound's protectiveness towards what it saw as the newest member of its pack, the pup of its alpha, affectionately rubbed Edward's head as the mabari bedded itself down again. "Good boy"

Looking down into the cradle, he saw swaddled in a blue woollen blanket, clutching a griffon doll knitted from white wool (a gift from a toymaker in Highever that Fergus had sent them) lay his newborn daughter. She tossed and turned a little in her sleep, but otherwise did not react to her father's presence. ' _Not like me'_ Arthur thought with a wry smile, remembering the stories his mother had told him of how he'd kept the castle awake and his wet nurse at her wit's end for hours at a time after he was born.

Cecily Eleanor Cousland was the full name Leliana had given their daughter when Arthur had asked upon entering the bed chamber to see his child for the first time. It had been hours after his daughter had been born- he had tried to burst in immediately after the battle was done, having learned that Leliana had been in labour all through the fighting only after the darkspawn were routed, only to be stopped by Anders, Wynne and the midwives, who flatly refused to risk a newborn child's safety by exposing the infant to something as dangerous and virulent as darkspawn blood, ordering Arthur to get out of his armour and wash the tainted filth and gore accumulated from hours of fending off a siege off himself before they would even think of letting him into the room. After he'd finally done as they commanded, and been guided into the room by a gently smiling Wynne, over to where Leliana lay on their bed, a wan smile on her lips as she looked up at his approach from the swaddled infant nursing at her breast.

"How are you?" Arthur asked. Leliana pulled a wry face at the question.

"Well enough, no thanks to you" she observed. "If you ever try to talk me into going through that again, I will kill you where you stand" she promised, trying to glower menacingly, but a mischievous sparkle in her green eyes belied her stony expression. She extended her arms, holding the infant in them out for its father to take. "Your _daughter_ , my lord" Leliana said, a cat-like grin of triumph on her lips.

 _'_ _Mother's intution'_ Arthur mused at the sight of the smile. _'Well she got that right…and she'll never let me hear the end of it'_ he thought with a grimace. As much as he loved his wife, she could be insufferable at times when she got one over people, as she had in guessing what their child would be. He still remembered the joke that had resulted in him losing fifteen sovereigns and the right to name their child to his wife…

"Everything alright?" _Arthur had asked as he collapsed on the bed beside Leliana, the bard lying on her side, her arms wrapped protectively around the swell of her abdomen, protectively at first he'd thought, but he'd changed his opinion when he saw her clenched fingers and the somewhat miffed expression on her face._

"Everything would be better if the little madam in here would stop kicking!" _the bard groused irritably._ "She just will not stay still…!"

" ** _She_**?" _Arthur had asked, surprised_. "I thought you told the healers not to spoil the surprise?"

 _Leliana's expression had thawed a little at his question_. "Oh, none of the mages told me, this is just…a mother's _intuition_ "

 _Arthur had placed a hand on Leliana's pregnant belly, just in time to feel another kick from the child, drawing a laugh from him_. "That forceful, it has to be a boy"

 _Leliana snorted_. "Please, I'm a rogue; you've seen what I can do to men with my legs in a well-placed spot. Like mother, like daughter, I tell you!"

 _It had been Arthur's turn then to snort and Leliana had looked at him askance over her shoulder._ "Oh you doubt me? Care to put your certainty to the test?"

Arthur had, in a blasé manner, so confident he'd be proved right, let Leliana set the terms of the wager...and he knew he was not going to hear the end of it any time soon.

Darkness crept into his thoughts as he watched, wondering how he could be revelling in such happy thoughts when Maker knew how may daughters and sons, how many fathers and mothers had died by his command in the firestorms that had raged through Amarathine, the ones he himself had set to deny the darkspawn their prize. He told himself the same thing he'd said since leaving the city to burn, that he'd had no choice. The darkspawn had already held the city for nearly two days by the time his forces arrived, had already slaughtered most of Amaranthine's population and infected the majority of those left alive. Sending forces into the meatgrinder of urban combat would only throw more lives away to reclaim a city that they would probably have to raze to the ground anyway to prevent the Taint from spreading further. It had been far better to pull back, keep his forces intact for the battle to come at the Vigil's walls and stop the creatures within Amaranthine from reinforcing their bestial ilk in assaulting the castle. It made sense; the Wardens of old had done the same to thwart the darkspawn and prevent the spread of the Blight. What little remained of the city's population would succumb to the Taint even if his army spared them the blades of the horde. It was a small sacrifice to ensure a greater victory...

 _'No doubt Loghain said something similiar at Ostagar'_ that dark voice at the back of his mind, the voice of regret, uncertainty and doubt whispered tauntingly in the same honeyed tones that Urthemiel had whispered in his mind during the Blight. He shook his head to silence the voices, and the notion of Urthemiel brought to his mind another child of his who might have been born somewhere in Thedas by now, but he dismissed the matter again. He would not think of Morrigan and what they had done. That way lay madness.

Sinking into a chair beside the crib, he leaned back and closed his eyes, not wanting to go back to bed in such a state of mind. _'Just a few moments'_ he told himself. _'Just to shake the demons out of my head...'_

He didn't feel himself drifting off again.

* * *

 _A gentle hand on his shoulder shook him awake. Raising a hand to rub the sleep from his eyes, Arthur looked round, expecting to find his wife stood by him, wondering what he was doing out of bed._

 _It was not Leliana stood by him. Dressed in the same cloth-of-gold doublet, slashed with scarlet and black breeches that he'd worn the last time Arthur had seen him, Bryce Cousland grinned down at his younger son. Arthur made to stand up, but a firm hand on his shoulder kept him seated. "_ Don't get up, pup, rest. You've earned it...and believe me, you should get as much rest as possible while you still can! I know from experience you won't get much after tonight!' _his father said with a soft chuckle._

 _Looking down at the cradle, Arthur saw it was empty of its occupant; for one frantic moment, he cast about looking, when he saw to his left a sight he had always, deep down, wished to see; Eleanor Cousland rocking Cecily in her arms, his daughter gurgling happily at the attention she was getting from her grandmother, which only increased as Oriana peered over Eleanor's shoulder and began cooing over her newborn niece. His mother gently handed Cecily over to her daughter-in-law, who continued rocking Cecily as she sat on the bed beside the still-sleeping Leliana, the bard completely oblivious to their guests, while Eleanor moved over to stand by her husband and son._

 _"I remember when they placed you and Fergus be_ _fore you in my arms. It's a feeling quite unlike anything, to hold a living being who is a seperate and an integral part of your life. Wouldn't you agree, Oriana?"_

 _"Aye, I felt the same when they gave me Oren to hold. I saw the look on your face, Arthur; Fergus had one identical to it when they brought him into the bed chamber and he saw us...poor Fergus" she sighed grimly._

 _The mention of his brother caused Arthur's expression to tighten a little. His brother had never truly recovered from the loss of his wife and son; he'd become a grim and brooding man, driven only by the desire to restore his home and a furious need to punish tenfold all those he saw as responsible for his losses. In the months of his tenure as the new Teyrn of Highever, Fergus had instigated harsh and brutal punishments against anyone who served or had been associated with Rendon Howe's treachery that he could get his hands on. The most recent news Arthur had received from across the Waking Sea (courtesy of the travelling Zevran, who remained in correspondence with Leliana) informed them that Delilah Howe (who had fled to Kirkwall with an Amaranthine merchant she'd married when King Alistair, as a token of gratitude to his friend and travelling companion, had stripped the Howe family of its lands and title and banished all remaining scions of the family from Ferelden on pain of death) had turned up dead in a back alley in Lowtown. Zev claimed the City Guard had dismissed the case as a robbery gone wrong, but Arthur was more inclined to consider it the handiwork of hired blades. He would not condemn his brother for making sure the children of Rendon Howe or their descendants would never pose a threat to the Couslands again (he had himself, in part, executed Nathaniel Howe for that reason): Arthur could only hope that finally sating his vengeance might bring Fergus a measure of peace._

 _"To lose one's family...it's a terrible thing to have to bear, as you know, pup. I blame myself at times, for not doing all I could to protect my family, for not listening to all those who told me I was making such a mistake in clutching a serpent to my chest, for inviting it into my home...had I not, then perhaps we would be welcoming the two latest additions to this family in the waking world" Bryce mused sadly.  
_

 _"Still, I wonder if you would have met your lovely wife if things had not happened the way they did" Eleanor remarked, idly examining the white-gold band around her second daughter-in-law's finger, visible as the hand that bore it dangled over the edge of the bed. "Mother Mallol always used to say the Maker has a plan for us all, one too grand for us to know our part in it...but that part is not always a kind one. It took so much from you, my boy...but then gave you so much; a family of your own, a new life, a place at the side of the King, and more beside, more than we could have given you...but never take what you have for granted, my dear boy. Thedas is changing and what you think may be certain can collapse in the blink of an eye. You saw it that night...and I think you and your family will see it change again in the years to come"._

 _"I know, Mother"._

 _"Treasure them, and do what I did not, pup; guard them always, for in this world, there are so many things that will seek to tear you apart; monsters, madmen and zealots, the ambitious and the greedy...and far more beside; disease, accidents..._ poison" _Bryce noted, running a finger along his son's arm, coming to rest at the wrist, where the veins had already begun to turn black. "You've been given time; that would be enough for some men, but not you, I think pup. You were never one to back away from a challenge, were you?" Bryce grinned, exchanging a knowing look with Eleanor, their shared amusement at their son's stubborness even now plain to see. "You've been given the first step on the path you need to walk- that creature you keep as a pet at Soldier's Peak has given the first clue leading to what you want. I cannot say where that path will lead, what you will have to do or where you will have to go...but I think that will not stop you, not when you can have a life with someone who means so much to you, without the whispers in the back of your mind, and the fear of dying alone in some dank pit miles beneath the earth if you succeed" Bryce observed as he motioned to his wife and daughter-in-law, Eleanor and Oriana placing one last kiss on Cecily's head before placing the sleeping girl back in her crib, giving Arthur the same and leaving the bed chamber. Bryce gently patted his son and granddaughter affectionately on the head and spoke once more before following the others out._

 _"Keep them both safe, and yourself as well, until the day we all meet again here"._

 _Arthur wanted to beg them to stay a little longer, not to leave him again so soon, but he knew that they were gone where he could not call them back, only join them one day._

* * *

The feel of sunlight on his face woke him. Arthur blearily opened his eyes, seeing watery sunlight finally breaching the storm clouds that had hung over the Vigil for days, marred only by a plume of smoke rising to the sky; no doubt from one of the countless funeral pyres that would have to be lit in the days to come, to send those brave men and women who'd died fighting to protect the castle to the Maker, not to mention disposing of the darkspawn corpses. He began to rise from his chair, but a firm hand on his shoulder kept him seated.

"Rest a moment" Leliana smiled softly, already fully dressed in a more casual dress of green wool and holding Cecily under one arm. "You're in no shape to go anywhere" she noted. "You've been stabbed, shot, beaten and clubbed by all manner of darkspawn over the last few days. No man would fault you for taking some time to yourself before setting out; Garavel said it would take some time before a force can be assembled to assault the hiding place of this "Mother" at the back of all this. At least let your daughter have a little time seeing her father before you go haring off into the Deep Roads..."

"That can wait. I need to make plans..."

"Plans?" Leliana's confusion was clear. "What kind of plans?"

"When this battle is done, when the last remnants of the Blight are _finally_ defeated, I need to journey north, perhaps even leave Ferelden..."

"WHAT?!" Leliana interjected, her expression a mixture of incredulity and outrage. "Your daughter has just been born and you want to leave her and _me_ behind to go haring off on some hair-brained quest?!"

"You think I _want_ to go?" Arthur demanded. "What I want is to settle down in some secluded part of Thedas with you, do nothing but hunt with Edward, ensure my people are safe, fat and happy and bring up Cecily with you. I want to watch our daughter grow up tall and beautiful. I want to watch the boys make fools of themselves trying to impress her, to walk her down the aisle of a Chantry and give her away to a man that deserves her...and I won't get that if in thirty years from now, the whispers in my head drive me to die alone in some dank, forgotten cavern miles below our feet with a darkspawn scimitar in my heart" At this, he held up his arm, letting the sleeve of his bedrobe fall down to his elbow; his wife's eyes went wide as she saw just how extensive the spread of the taint through his body had become; the veins around his wrist had gone black, and patches of skin along his arms had become scabbed and scaly, like a bad rash. Some of it was the after effects of the Joining and being in such close proximity to the Archdemon's death, Arthur felt certain , while others were likely the result of the Architect's meddling and experimentation on him and the others during their captivity in the Wending Woods, or side effects of the venomous bites and claws of the Children. All looked red and angry.

"There are those who say the Taint spreads more hastily through Wardens during a Blight, and even if that is not true, I have thirty years at the maximum before the Taint drives me to leave you to be torn apart alone and cold in some dank cave. I won't end my days under a rock in the Deep Roads. I would rather end my days in comfort, surrounded by those who know and love me...and I won't have that chance if I don't do this. We both saw Avernus found a way to stave off the Calling, and there are rumours that other Wardens have been able to delay or even prevent the Taint from claiming them entirely. If it can be done, I owe it to you and Cecily to try. This world has taken so much from us both, Leliana; I won't allow it to take me from you both as well, not if I can find a way to give you both more time with me than fate would allow..." he finished. _'To say nothing of the benefit it would give to others'_ Arthur thought internally, thinking now of Alistair and how curing him would free Ferelden from the fear of its king having to abdicate at the behest of the whispers in his head before his heir was ready to take his place.

"Where will you go?" Leliana asked softly, rocking their daughter in her arms as Cecily began to squall, perhaps sensing the chill that had come between her parents.

"The Anderfels, at first" Arthur thought. "Avernus indicated that the Warden archives at Weisshaupt might be a good place to start; the fortress's libraries house the greatest wealth of information on the darkspawn, the Blight and related matters, that seems the best place to start. Failing that, I would journey to Minrathous; I have no idea what weight the Grey Wardens carry in the Imperium...to say nothing of me personally after what I did to Caladrius, but I would hope it might be enough to allow access to the Magisterium's libraries. A look at the Blighted Codex might prove illuminating..."

"When?" she asked, resigned to the fact that she was going to have to say goodbye to him, and that when he departed, there was no guarantee as to when she would see him again. Arthur got out of his chair and embraced her, enfolding his wife and daughter in his arms, wanting to assure them by that simple gesture that they were the reason he was contemplating this, so that in the years to come, he would be able to have simple moments like this with them, with no threat of the toxins in his blood tearing him away from them one day.

"No time soon, I promise. Most of my initial research can be done here and in Denerim for a time; Soldier's Peak and its library will make an ideal starting point. I can pick Avernus's brains for what he knows. And if we were to head to Val Royeaux at some point- I assume you're going to want Dorothea to do the dedication service?" he changed the subject briefly, glad to see Leliana's eyes light up at the mention of her oldest and dearest friend in the Chantry, her mentor, the priestess who had performed their wedding at Valence, and the chance to see her again. Arthur knew the Revered Mother had been urging Leliana to come to Val Royeuax after she'd been delivered of their child and assist her in making her case to succeed the apparently dying Divine Beatrix. _'Perhaps a trip to Val Royeux as a family would do us all the world of good when this is over...let us put the darkness of the past year behind us, get away from it all and allow both of us to do something close to our hearts...'_

"Maybe" Leliana mused, rubbing her chin thoughtfully as she sat down on the bed. "There is also the White Spire in Val Royeux; its libraries are quite extensive. Perhaps Dorothea and I can arrange an invitation for you. I also know quite an up and coming young woman in the Imperial Court; a member of the Antivan gentry and quite an accomplished ambassador. A Lady Josephine Montilyet; I knew her in my youth, enough to make an impression on us both...maybe I should renew our accquaintance? See what she can learn that might help you in Antiva and the Marches?"

"Thank you, love; that might be a good help" Arthur agreed as he joined her on the bed, gently placing a hand on Cecily's cheek, the baby gurgling happily at the attention. "I'm not doing this to hurt you; I'm doing it so that if I succeed, I will spare you both the fact that I _will_ hurt you both when the Calling starts singing in my head". For a moment, he thought of another choice he had made to spare Leliana the pain of losing him, and for a moment contemplated telling her the truth, but then dismissed it. He had deposited enough on her for one day without adding Morrigan to the pile. _'One day, I will have to tell her though...and pray that she understands my reasons for that half as well as this'._

"But that can wait until another time" Arthur said, getting up and reaching into the cradle "I plan to do something far more important than fretting any more about darkspawn today"

"Which is?" Leliana asked as she placed Cecily on the bed and lay back, watching as her husband pulled out the griffin toy left in there.

"Spending some much needed time with my family while I still can" he replied as he held the toy griffin out to Cecily, mother and father smiling as their daughter happily reached out for it, eager for the attention and the game and the pair began to take their first tentative steps into the arena of parenthood, a journey just as uncertain, frightening and rewarding as the travails they had encountered before.


End file.
